1dpIUI

Well, I got "the" email from Great Lakes. Apparently I wasn't a good fit! Oh well, life goes on! I was actually having second thoughts about it, especially all the physical things that I would have to do. So I'm glad that it turned out this way!

So how am I feeling today?

I still feel a bit "full" in my ute area, and I've had a few dull aches on both of my sides but nothing horrible! I am avoiding laying on my stomach though, that doesn't feel too good. I actually fell asleep with a little heart shaped heating pad thingy (it's one where you crack the little metal disk in it and it heats up) on my back and I think that it helped! I haven't taken any Tylenol either, I just don't feel comfortable taking anything. Justin says that I'm paranoid. Well, maybe I am!

IUI Day!!!

We had to drop off Justin's sample at 8:30am so I got up at 6:30am to shower and get ready. I woke Justin up at 7:05am and told him to start waking up.  Collecting the sample, that was quite funny. I kept looking at the clock because I wanted to leave by 7:20am because of the morning work traffic. He told me that my looking at the clock wasn't helping him out!

I wanted to take a picture of his goodie bag before they got used, but we were running a bit behind and I wasn't able to. And I was not about to take a picture after (you're welcome!)

We got to the clinic at 8:15am and of course, they don't open until 8:30am, so back to the car we went to wait since it was about 37* and stupid me, completely forgot to wear normal shoes and I was in flipflops.

At 8:30am, we turned in our sample, which was resting in my bra in-between my boobies the entire time! After the drop off, we went and got breakfast. I needed to go to Bath and Body Works to pick up some things for my Secret Sock Exchange for the IF board and we had to wait until 10am for them to open. I was in and out in about 15 minutes.

We drove back to the clinic after I had a mini panic attack ("Are you sure they said 11am? Or was it 10am?) It was 11am, lol. So we get there at 10:30am thinking that maybe, just maybe they'll get me in earlier than 11am. No such luck! We didn't get called back until 11:30am! The entire time that we were waiting, I quite feeling a slight pain on both sides and I was thinking that it was my ovaries getting ready to O and then of course me thinking that I would miss the "window of opportunity" because of the long wait!

So Nurse Sandra was the one helping me. She said that since this is my first IUI, I would also need to have an STD check. (Why they couldn't put that on my CD3 b/w?) I was all prepped and ready to go!

Holly comes in and I ask her what the numbers were for Justin's sample. She said that the total count was 60+ million with 60+% motility and his post-wash numbers were 16 million with 94% motility! I couldn't have asked for better numbers!

Then it was go time!

Justin was sitting directly behind Holly and I'm sure he got more then he was willing to see, lol! The procedure itself wasn't too horrible. I felt a bit crampy, and had a very full feeling in my ute. She said that I just needed to lie down for about 10 minutes and then I was free to go. I laid there for about 25 minutes!

While laying there, I asked Justin if he was able to see anything. He said that when he saw her insert the speculum, that he had seen all that he wanted to! He said that "She was like, all the way up there, like I bet she could see your soul! That close!"

And now the dreaded 2WW!

Test date is Feb 11th, but I know for sure I will be testing sooner than that! FX!!!



Excuse the hair!

 

Spike and Lola making sure everything is there!

 

Spike and Lola talking about their game plan!!!

 

 

Trigger Shot!

Trigger at 9pm!

Justin has his work partner's male version of a baby shower/poker night. It started at 4pm. I asked him to please, please be home before 9pm so he can do my shot. Ever since the pain that I got on my 2nd day of my Gonal-f shot, I have turned into such a baby! It takes me at least 5 minutes to talk myself into and then through it. And of course, when it's done, I tell myself, "See? That didn't hurt!"

So anyways, at 8:55pm guess who's not home yet? I thought about calling him, but I don't like to be "that wife", the one that always calls and nags about when he's coming home.

I picked myself up off the couch, and went into the bathroom to get everything ready. After some pics, I begin to freak the f-out. My trigger shot is Novarel, which is an IM (intramuscular) and has to be given in my "backside".

I literally start crying because Justin wasn't home when he said he would be, and that I would have to give the shot to myself. I wiped away the tears, grabbed the syringe, twisted around and stabbed myself. And guess what?! It didn't hurt at all!

I swear all of this is completely a mind game!

As soon as I was done, and cleaning up, Justin walks into the bathroom. Then he gets mad at me for not waiting for him! Seriously?!?! I asked him why he didn't call me to let me know he was on his way, and if he did then maybe I would have waited. So after some words, we settled it by going to get Del Taco and cuddling on the couch. I did make him rub my butt because I could already feel that it was getting sore!

CD11: RE appt!

I couldn't have planned this any better. Justin only gets a full Friday-Monday off once a month, so he was able to come to my monitoring appt! He hasn't been able to come to one in a really long time. He didn't quite like the fact of having to get up early on his day off but he got over it.

My appt went great! Lining is good and I have 3 measurable follies: on my left, one at 13mm and on my right, one at 13mm and the rockstar at 17mm!

The nurse gave me one last shot of Gonal-f and I'm on the books for Monday morning for my IUI!

Finally!

And because of Justin's days off, he's able to come to my IUI appt too!

While driving to my appt, I kept telling Justin that I had a feeling that I was forgetting something. I forgot Lola and Spike!

What's going to happen on Monday!

Interview

Do I even have to say that I hate this step in the process??? I get super nervous, even though I've been in this field for almost 2 years and I know my stuff. But I hate the questions!

What's your best quality?
What's your worst quality?
What could you bring to our company?

Aaaarrrggghhhh!!!!

I feel like I use the same answers for different questions! Anyways, on top of the things that I already know, there's about 5 other areas that I would have to learn since they are a tiny, tiny operation, everyone does everything. So I would have to get my hands dirty!

I keep telling myself that the free flight benefits are completely worth it (which they totally are!)

So the interview is done, and I feel fairly optimistic about it just based on me having previous experience but you never know!

I do have to AW myself for a second and say that after I applied, I totally Wikipedia'ed the company and read their history! And guess what one of the questions were? "What do you know about our company?"

Grand slam, baby!

Future employer????

Job Hunting

The company that I worked for for almost 2 years lost their contract to both carriers and chose to close down. I was given the choice to stay with the new company or take the layoff.

I choose the layoff. I had to travel about 50 miles each way, and I would stay at my mom's during my work week and then drive home on my Friday. Let's just say that when you're TTC, being apart is not helping your chances.

So we decided that this was a great opportunity for me to take a break from work and help me de-stress. But now it's almost 5 months into it, and nothing is really happening on the baby front, so I casually look for PT jobs.

But tonight I found a job posting that would, and could, work for me! It's doing almost exactly the same thing that I did before but it's closer! I bit the bullet and applied.

And guess what? They called the next morning, so less than 12 hours of me applying, and scheduled an interview for tomorrow!

Now I'm getting nervous!

What a Medicated Cycle looks like

This is what I look forward to everyday. Sometimes just thinking about pills, makes me want to gag. I have to have a serious freaking headache to choke down another pill (which I had to do today). At least I don't have to take the Femara and Dex everyday, so I get some relief.

Just hoping for a light at the end of this long, long tunnel.

2500mg Metformin, 1- Prenatal Vitamin, 1- 81mg Baby Aspirin, 3- 2.5mg Femara, 2- .5mg Dex and of course the lovely Gonal-f shot at 75iu

CD8- 2nd Gonal-f shot

I'm not sure what I did different this morning, but it STUNG sooo bad!!! I'm thinking that maybe I didn't let the alcohol dry all the way or where I decided to poke today was more sensitive than yesterday's spot. But Holy Hell!!!

I was able to video it (just excuse my extra fluffiness and my sleep lines on my stomach, I had just gotten up)

Trust me though, I was wide awake after that one!

 

Yesterday mid-afternoon I felt like I haven't eaten and I was starving! I had a Lean Cuisine Sweet and Sour Chicken (my favorite) and then I had a Fiber One Brownie. About an hour later, starving again! I tried to drink it away with water and that would help for a little bit but it would come back! So aggravating!

And then the bubble guts started! I could feel and hear them in my stomach and this lasted until I went to bed. I would keep going into the bathroom, thinking that I had to "go" but nothing. Just loving the hundreds of little bubbles that I could feel moving around! At one point, it was even painful for me to lay on my side!

Apparently, I'm in the 3% for that lovely side effect!

First Gonal-f Injection!

I set my alarm because I didn't want oversleep this morning. I got up and called my RE's office to ask about "priming" the pen, which is says to do in the pamphlet but the office said nothing about it. And I didn't want to do something wrong.

They told me to not prime the pen, and I was all set to get this done!

I got everything set up in the bathroom, and made sure to follow the instructions, picture by picture. Pulled the cap off and cleaned the top. Put the needle on the pen and took off the outer cap. Got a second alcohol wipe to use on my stomach, and of course I drop it! Got another and swabbed my stomach. Pinched the skin and jabbed!

The needle decides to bounce (yes, bounce) off my skin! Umm, WTF!!! And Ouch!!!

The second jab was more forceful and it went right in! Pushed the plunger and waited about 5 seconds before pulling it out. And then started to bleed slightly from two different holes, lol

No picture because I was too nervous that I completely forgot!

After telling Justin what happened to me this morning, I asked him if he wanted to do the one tomorrow. He started to make karate moves and sounds, and pretended to jab me in the stomach while saying "Waaahhhh yaaaahhh!!!"

I'm probably just going to let him sleep through my shots!

This will NOT be happening!!!

Look what I got in the mail!

Today is CD5 and I got my meds in the mail today! It's becoming more real and I'm super excited but also super scared!!!

The needle looks like it's the same size as the Ovidrel and that didn't hurt at all, so that's what I'm hoping! Since I was told to do the shots in the morning, I asked Justin if he could do my first one. He kind of just looked at me, and said "But I don't want to hurt you." Such a sweetie! Maybe I can get him to take some picture while I do it!

And now the picture! Lola and Spike helped me unwrap the package and they were very excited  to see the pen!

Shit just got real, y'all!

CD3 u/s and b/w!

Appointment went great! No cysts, ovaries full of follies, and my ute looks nice and then!

Jessica was the one to go over my instructions for this cycle. Femara and Dex on CD3-7, and start Gonal-F injections on CD 8-11. Yep, that's 4 and maybe I'll have to do one more on CD 12, it just depends on what my ultrasound finds!

Super excited to start the injects, but holy cow the price! $278 for the Gonal-F pen that has all 5 shots in it! That's $55.60 a shot! Hopefully, this will be the only cycle I will need it, but if not, maybe I can get in on the Med Donation that some ladies put together on the TB. I just thought that for this cycle, I didn't have time to apply for it since I start the injects in 4 days!

Lola and Spike even came to my appt!

The lady at Quest for my blood draw was too quick for me to get Lola and Spike out of my purse and I didn't want her to think that I was nuts, so they stayed in!

CD...1!!!

This felt like the longest cycle ever (even though I had longer ones). Time was going by soo slow! But AF finally showed up last night, so I'm counting today as CD1.

I was fortunate enough to have this passed to me and I think that's what did it! Thanks girls!

Yep, it's the voodoo tampon! Apparently whoever she is passed to, that person will get their period. And it works, lol!

I also think that it helped that I gave in and POAS. I thought that it couldn't hurt and since my body likes to screw with me, I thought I would help it along.

I called my RE this morning and scheduled my appt for Thursday for an u/s and bloodwork!!! She (receptionist) asked what my treatment cycle was last time and this time. She also asked if I wanted to do injects this cycle and I was all like "Hells yeah! Anything to get me to my IUI!"

New Year, new treatment plan! Time to get this show on the road!

Today is CD54

And where the hell is my period?!?!?!? Today marks 6 days after my last birth control pill. Last time, AF showed up in 5 days, and when I was on birth control pills back in the day, AF always showed up in 4.

I'm starting to get worried about what happens if it doesn't show up, then what? My RE's office is notorious for telling me, "Just wait it out." Hello, I'm tired of waiting.

I showed Justin my chart and after I explained what he was looking at, he asked "54? That's a really long time, right?"

I told him that most people's cycles are around 30-34 days, and I'm pretty much double that. And then I added that my body is stupid, but he said that it was beautiful. What a great guy I have!

Some good news though, meet Lola and Spike! I'm hoping that these two will bring me some good luck in the future!

Getting some ink!

My BFF Jaimee came over to my mom's and we hung out for a few hours. I was getting nervous, and then I just told her, I just want to get it over with.

I ended up going to the guy, Matt, she goes to since the guy who did my first tattoo, his shop is closed :( We caught him as he was almost leaving, and he said that he would stay and do mine! Then Jaimee decided to get the exact same thing to show her support for me!

As he was setting up, I was soooooo nervous, like my hands were in a cold sweat! He put the design on, and made sure it was straight and then it was go time!

He did one of the stars first and OMG did it freaking hurt! But once he got going, it didn't hurt as much. I would still say that the pain factor was about a 5-6. It felt like I was getting stabbed with a hot needle, lol!

It took him less than 20 minutes per person so not too long at all! I absolutely love how it turned out!

Design on

Setting Up

First star

Not too bad after

Jaimee taking it like a champ, lol

All done!

                                             

My OB Rocks!

I have been pushing back my annual appointment for about 3 months and I finally didn't have an excuse this time to cancel it. I cancelled last time because I thought that the appt would fall a few days after I had my IUI but we all know how that ended.

Anyways, before the actual procedure, Joy sat down and went thoroughly through my chart. I ended up telling her the nightmare that I went through at my PCP's appt last month. She was not happy about how they treated me. She told me that if I wanted to get tested for Cushing's that she would give me the lab slip for it. Her and the MA went through the book of codes trying to figure out what tests to order.

While, the MA was looking up the codes, I told them about my experience at the RE. She wasn't really happy about that either. I told her that they have never sent me out for blood work and the last blood work that was done was for her in my dx for PCOS in November 2011!

She asked me if I feel like I know more than what they did, since it seems like I do my research and I told her yes. She did tell me that if I ever wanted to see someone else she will give me the info and the referral! But this place is about a 3 hour drive each way, but we'll see!

And during my pap, they were telling me that since I have a PPO, the insurance companies started to do something new about getting it sent to the lab and then to..

I quickly tell her, that I don't have a PPO anymore, I have an HMO now. They both stop and said "You don't have a PPO???"

After they realize that, my pap test went into the trash. Yep, I was spread eagle for no reason.

Apparently, if you have had all negative paps, then you don't have to come back for 3 years, so I get to come back next year!

After I got dressed, Joy told me that she was having problems figuring out what codes to use because she doesn't want to use something that says that I do have Cushing's, especially if it comes back negative because then the Cushing's dx will always be in my file.

She said that they were going to get into contact with the Endo that the witch lady was going to refer me out to, and see what codes they use, and she'll mail me the lab slip when she knows which ones to use!

Slowly, but surely getting on the right track!

Color Me Rad

I guess I completely missed the last time they came to my city, but I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice! I signed up as soon as it opened! (And got $5 off, lol)

Say hello to team Twisted Ankles!

Not too sure what we're going to be putting on our shirts yet. The race isn't until April 7th, so we have some time.

I am soo excited for this!

Dinner

I have been pushing Justin to plan a lunch or dinner with his co-workers and their girlfriends/wives and he finally did it!

We all met at a Japanese restaurant for teppanyaki (sense a trend here?). I knew going in that Justin's partner Randy, his girlfriend was about 8 months pregnant and that Caesar and his wife have 2 children, with the last one being born just a few months ago.

If I know the company that I'm going to be around, then I can mentally prepare and I did, and I was fine.

And Then...

The conversation goes to pregnancy and all things deliveries and babies. Justin had left to go to the bathroom, leaving me at the table alone. So I just sit there and don't say anything because seriously what can I say? I got nothing.

The rest of the dinner went fine, until the bill came. $105 for just the 2 of us!!! And the food was just okay, I definitely had better elsewhere.

So on the drive home, Justin was asking why I was so quiet and I told him that I had nothing to contribute to their conversations. I thought that he would understand, but he kind of got defensive and said that when he goes out with me and my co-workers and even though we mainly talked work stuff that he would still talk. I told him that they weren't talking about work and then I just shut my mouth, since I knew that it wasn't worth getting into.

I know that he means well, but I think that he forgets sometimes.

Excited for Friday!

Today is CD47 and I have one more birth control pill to take! But I think that I have finally decided that I want to get another tattoo!!!

My first one was done in 2006 and it took me forever to figure out what I wanted exactly. I was in MA school and I found a few Tinkerbell coloring pages online, I printed some out and gave them to some of the girls at school to color for me. Even though it was Tinkerbell, I decided that I wanted her to be more personal to me, and this is what came of it:

So after thinking about, I came across a simple word that makes me think that 2013 will be a great year: Believe. So simple and yet so powerful!

I want to get it on my wrist, so I can see it everyday.

Couldn't hurt, right?

Let me preface and state that my family is Catholic and Italian. My mom was raised by my Nana who was very strict with her and my two aunts. They went to church every week, and my mom and aunts even went to a Catholic school.

So because of my mom's upbring, she is always on the "lookout" for Saints and prays to certain Saints for certain things. With that said, my mom found a Saint for me. His name is Saint Gerard. He is the protector of expectant mothers.

We had to drive across town to find the charm. I went and took the boys for a bathroom break while my mom was getting helped at the counter in the store. My mom told the girl that she wanted the St. Gerard charm and the girl goes, "Okay, that'll be 68..."

And before she can finish, my mom blurts out, "Dollars???!!!"

She then finishes with, "Cents."

So she buys that and also a glass stone with the charm of St. Gerard inside.

She then tells me that I have to wear the charm at all times and to keep the glass stone in my purse. I decided to put the charm on another chain and wear it with my other necklace. But since the two chains kept getting tangled (and Justin calling me "Two Chains"), I just put the charm on the same chain as my first necklace.

My first necklace (a diamond heart) was my Nana's and it has such a significant meaning to me. I put it on for my wedding, and for almost a year (Jan 6th), I have never taken it off. I feel like it keeps me close to her.

So I think that wearing both gives me a fighting chance! (Even though it might look funny)

My Husband, the Comedian

My husband goes through a TON of soda. And to much embarrassment, we never recycled. (I know, I know, but hear me out though)

Once I got laid off, I had to look over our budget and see what our expenses were, where we could cut back on, and what we could put into savings. We are aiming to be able to start looking for our first home probably in March (yay!)

I then realized that we could be saving some money by recycling the soda cans. I even put up a bag and everything! The first week was pretty hard on Justin and I ended up digging cans out of the trash can, which was super fun!

I did catch him the other day, and I told him to take it out of the trash can and put it in the recycling bag because "That's our house fund."

He takes the can out, stops, and then replies, "If this is our house fund, we're in trouble."

Ha Ha, funny man.

I did take our first bag in today, and got $4. Not too horrible.

Instead of buying a piggy bank for $10, I'm using a Tupperware case with a lid. Didn't turn out too bad after I added the picture to the front.

Happy New Year!

 

We spent our New Year's Eve pretty low key. We brought out the bubbly and watched the ball drop. And of course the New Year's kiss!

I should have been happy but I was holding back the tears, thinking about everything that we went through in 2012 and what 2013 holds for us. I just know that 2013 will be better than 2012, because for a lack of a better word, 2012 pretty much sucked balls!

So what have I learned in/from 2012?

1. When dealing with IF, nothing is predictable
2. It is perfectly okay to cry in your car in the parking lot of your Re's after a bad appt
3. Attitude is everything when dealing with IF
4. Even with IF, I am truly happy with my life
5. I couldn't have asked for a better support team of family and friends

And of course getting MARRIED!!!!

I can't really think of any more, but I know that I'm leaving out about 100! Here's to a positive New Year!